In motherhood you are not only dealing with your own emotions and circumstances but those of your kids as well. There is a lot that is out of our control. Given that is it possible to overcome overwhelm in motherhood?
What is overwhelm and burnout
According to the Webster definition being overwhelmed is to be overcome completely or overpowered by thoughts or feelings. It can leave you in a frozen state where you feel incapable of moving forward or moving out of it. When you are overwhelmed you are often irritable, anxious, have low energy, can feel touched out, have difficulty focusing and can have difficulty making decisions. And it seems to be on the rise in motherhood. Frontiers in Psychology put out a study in 2017 stating that 13% of mothers experience high burnout.
Burnout happens when we live in a state of overwhelm and high stress. When our bodies or minds are stressed we produce stress hormones, and active our sympathetic nervous system. Our sympathetic nervous system is our fight, flight, freeze response. Our sympathetic nervous system needs to be balanced out with our parasympathetic nervous system (our rest and digest system.) Excess sympathetic activity can lead to decreased digestion, impair the immune system, make us more sensitive to painful stimuli make us overwhelmed and eventually lead to burnout. Our minds and bodies can only take so much.
Why are mothers prone to overwhelm
In a world that gives mothers no grace period to adapt to motherhood, glorifies busy and praises doing it all on your own (and to perfection) is it any wonder that mother’s feel overwhelmed? Tack on increasing demands for more hands on parenting according to the NY Times then ever before, the comparative nature of social media and a generation of mothers who largely were never taught how to regulate their own nervous system and we are set up nicely for a never ending state of overwhelm.
While it may be normal to experience overwhelm from time to time it should not be our go to state of being. It is possible to overcome an overwhelmed state and here are some tips to help you move through it.
How to overcome being overwhelmed
The main things that will help get you out of a state of overwhelm are tools for nervous system regulation, making sure your basic needs are met, gain clarity and seek support.
Get outside
Being in nature has been shown to decrease cortisol levels (stress hormone) and boost endorphins and dopamine (feel good chemicals.) A large study demonstrated that time outside in social groups improved stress levels as measured by muscle tension, heart rate and even brain wave activity. No time to gather a group of friends? No problem. Several other studies demonstrate decreased stress and improved health outcomes such as decreased blood pressure and improved mood from solo time in nature.
Try to make time every day to be outside, preferably in green space such as a community park or garden, near a water source, your own backyard or nearby hiking trail.
Cold Therapy:
Cold therapy, specifically cold plunges, have been gaining in popularity recently to help regulate the nervous system and offer other various health benefits that can help you overcome overwhelm. Some of those potential benefits are improved symptoms of depression and anxiety, improved sleep quality and improved immune systems responses. If you are interested in cold showers or cold plunges you can check out the WIM HOF Method for more details and how to’s.
Adding cold therapy into your daily or weekly routine can really add your ability to deal with stressors and decrease you potential for overwhelm. Don’t worry if you can quite bare dunking into a cold pool. You may be able to seek the same results more simply. Cold water over your face and neck or running ice cubes along the outside of your neck might be as beneficial. The good news with this is that anyone can implement. Let’s be honest, the simpler it is to implement the more likely you are to do it. Now no more excuses, just grab some ice while you think of what to cook for dinner as your little ones destroy the house… just me?
Give yourself a face and neck massage
Massage can be soothing, relaxing, and even improve mood. This is in part because massage has been shown to decrease cortisol levels and increase serotonin levels. Massage along your jaw bone targeting your masseter muscle (the large muscle that connects your jaw to your face) a muscle that is often neglected and tends to hold a lot of tension.
Parasympathetic activation via massage
Massaging your neck and face may also have added bonuses. Four of your cranial nerves including your vagus nerve are in the area. Massaging here could improve parasympathetic activation via the facial nerve and vagus nerve. Focusing on the area around your temples and then moving down along your check bone towards your nose and along your jaw could stimulate and also free up tension along the facial nerve.
Targeting the Vagus nerve
Points for the Vagus nerve include inside of your ear. Particularly the flat space in the upper portion of your ear between the upper internal ridge and the top of your ear as well as the lower internal portion just before your ear canal. Note do not massage inside of your ear canal. Perform circles with your finger tips applying gentle pressure. Massaging your neck can also improve vagal tone. Focus on longer strokes running along your Sternocleidomastoid the muscle that runs from just behind your ear, down your neck to your collar bone on an angle. Massage from here towards your esophagus and trachea. It is thought that neck stiffness and tension may put pressure on the vagus nerve leading to impaired function including stomach issues which might be resolved with massage to the area.
Why and how to of self massage
Your face and front of neck can feel really vulnerable, self massage can be more easily tolerated in these areas. Self massage also makes it a go to tool in the moment of overwhelm. Firm but gentle pressure in either circular motions or long smooth strokes can work well. If nothing else it will at least feel good in the moment!
Make some noise
Another way to stimulate your vagus nerve is through sound as the vagus nerve has branches that connect to your vocal cords. Humming, singing, chanting, buzzing are all ways to stimulate this area. I particularly like humming because of the vibrations produced. Hum some lullabies at bedtime or hum along to some music while you are getting ready for a busy day.
Take in the bigger picture to overcome overwhelm
When we are stressed or anxious and in our sympathetic nervous system our eyes tend to fixate, pupils dilate, and we focus in on the danger. This happens if we hear or otherwise sense something but also if we intently focus onto something specific. The visual fixation alerts our brain to be more on edge in turn creating more visual fixation and pupil dilation. These feedback loops can keep us stay stuck in a heightened state. This combined with the blue light admitted are some of the reasons screen time (especially small screens) can be overstimulating and anxiety producing.
The remedy? Take a break. If you are looking at a screen for too long, look away every few minutes. Zoom out and take in the room. Use your panoramic vision as opposed to visual fixation. To switch to panoramic or peripheral vision gaze forward as if you are looking out at the horizon. This triggers our brain to relax.
According to Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman stress is not only our circumstances but also how our bodies are reacting to our environment, particularly our vision and breathing. If we gain control over these two areas we can work on controlling and managing our stress in more efficient ways.
Deep Breathing helps alleviate overwhelm
Speaking of breathing affecting and also mitigating stress… Deep breathing is a great tool for overcoming overwhelm. When we are in a state of overwhelm our breathing tends to become more rapid and also more shallow. Become aware of how you are breathing and change your breathing to help change your state of mind. As we slow our breathing our heart rate also will lower in response. Also as we deepen our breathe we improve our oxygenation.
Box breathing, alternate nostril breathing and 4-7-8 breathing are a few easy to do breathing exercises that can help you reap these benefits.
Box breathing
To perform box breathing you keep each phase of the breath even. It is the same count for the inhale, the pause, the exhale and then the pause. Usually it is done on either a 4 or 6 count for each of the four phases of breathe.
Alternate nostril breathing
Alternate nostril breathing is less focused on the counts although you want to try and keep them full and even. Place your thumb over one nostril, your two peace fingers between your eye brows and your ring finger will be over the other nostril. Unplug right nostril breathe into the right, plug it up, exhale out of the left nostril then inhale through the left, plug that side and exhale through the right, repeat several rounds.
4-7-8 breathing
4-7-8 breathing is also considered relaxation breathing and is said to be very calming. Breathe out emptying the lungs then breath in gently through the nose for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7 then breathe out of pursed lips for a count of 8. Repeat 4 times.
Scents can help overcome overwhelm
Our sense of smell is powerful. It is linked to memory, mood and also our emotions. A strong scent can also get out attention quickly, pull us out of our heads and into the present moment.
This is helpful when we are ruminating in thought. Taking a sniff of an essential oil, coffee grounds, or cinnamon can bring you back into the present moment. Staying present is an important part of avoiding or overcoming overwhelm. Also several studies show that smells correlate with our stress response with some smells easing stress responses. The smell of coffee can make you more alert and also has been shown to decrease stress markers. Essential oils also have been shown to have beneficial affects on the nervous system. Different oils producing different affects such as alert and focus or calm and relaxation. Bergamot, lavender, sweet orange, anise, chamomile may decrease depression symptoms postpartum.
If you are prone overwhelm keep an essential oil on hand for a quick mood boost.
Move your body
A regulated nervous system isn’t all parasympathetic all the time. There are healthy doses of stress and more importantly healthy reactions to stress. The sympathetic nervous system isn’t only activated in fear responses. It is also activated with excitement and exhilaration and what we would consider positive experiences.
Benefits of cardio to overcome overwhelm
Exercise, particularly cardio like running can have a positive affect on your nervous system, your ability to cope with stress and therefor reduce the risk of becoming overwhelmed in the first place. Running increases serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine and their receptors which can decrease pain, improve mood and satisfaction. It also increases the neurotransmitter endocannabinoid which lowers stress and increases a sense of calm and may decrease anxiety. Stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline are produced in healthy doses while running and actually decrease their levels after the run.
Not sure if you are ready to start running again after having your baby? Grab my guide here.
Benefits of proprioception to overcome overwhelm
Not into running? Proprioceptive activities can also be regulating for the nervous system, improve body awareness and thus mind body connection and be calming. Proprioceptive activities are those that provide tactile input to your joints such as pushing and pulling activities. Think push-ups, crawling, rowing, digging in dirt, pushing a heavy cart ect. Our proprioceptive system allows us to know where our bodies are in space and also play a role in sensory processing which is why it can help you overcome overwhelm.
EFT tapping can help you move through overwhelm
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a body centered therapy that works by tapping on acupressure points. The tapping stimulates the points via touch to stimulate the nervous system. EFT demonstrates improvement with symptoms of anxiety, depression, fears as well as stress and burnout. It isn’t just self reported either. studies show improvement in bio markers such as blood pressure, resting heart rate and heart rate variability after EFT tapping sessions. The best part is it is easy to implement, only takes a few minutes and has no side affects.
Overcome overwhelm when you brain dumping
Brain dumping is when you unobjectivey and uncritically free write all your thoughts, worries, ideas and to-dos. Basically you take everything out of your head and put it on paper. You can theme it for just your to-dos and concerns, everything that you are feeling or simply a combination and write everything that pops into your head. The key is to not censor yourself.
This way you can start to organize your thoughts, gain some clarity, declutter your mind and see what you need to prioritize. It is a good way to manage over thinking and could help relieve stress. You can complete a brain dump weekly and again if you are feeling particularly overwhelmed.
Schedule in you time.
Often as our days get busy and we start to become overwhelmed we tend to start neglecting ourselves. It seems like a good idea in the moment because we have “so many things to do” but it can really back fire. Taking time to put yourself on your to-do list and actually take that “me time” can help you manage your stress better.
Make a list of your favorite activities and pick at least one to schedule into your day or at least once a week. Write it down, actually mark it on your calendar like you would any other appointment. By consistently managing your stress you will be in a better position to overcome overwhelm when it does creep up on you.
Check in on yourself daily to reduce overwhelm
While you might be able to get away with weekly you time checking in with yourself is a daily non-negotiable. At least once a day try to take 2 minutes to ask yourself “how am I doing today and what do I need?” Then you need to actually listen. It’s important to take stock of how you are feeling on a regular basis. It is just as important to see if your physical needs are being met. Have you been drinking enough, eating enough and enough of the right kind of food, and receiving adequate rest and downtime.
Yes, the basics. The basics are so important and so often over looked and once again brushed aside because of all our other responsibilities and to-dos. Our nervous systems need a variety of vitamins and minerals and good quality fats to function properly. These things are best obtained by eating a variety of whole foods. So while your entire diet does not need to be whole foods, do your best to have it be the majority especially on those busy days to prevent or help overcome overwhelm. Also add in some fermented foods which are shown to be good for your gut, the place serotonin is produced.
Seek support
Seeking support goes two ways here.
First, it’s important when overwhelmed that you look at your day to day and see what you can take off your plate. Ask for help and delegate what you can to help alleviate the overwhelming feelings that it all falls on you. Now I know this is easier said then done. It takes letting go of a bit of control and also admitting the need for help can be a challenge. It was very hard for me personally. Make sure to have these conversations ahead of time and be clear on what needs to be done and expectations. This goes for at home and at work if applicable. This can also be outsourcing tasks if you can, hiring help when possible or shopping online for pickup or delivery if that saves you time.
This also means seeking support for yourself personally. If you are feeling overwhelmed often having an outside perspective and also having guidance and a place to process can be really helpful. Coaching is a great place to start to help you sort through and organize your thoughts and your days. Coaching can also help you process your stressors. A coach can guide you through nervous system regulation and help keep you accountable. All of which are helpful to overcome your overwhelm. It isn’t just coaching. Support can come in many forms: therapy, counseling, a personal trainer. The main thing is you see where you are struggling the most, take the brave step of admitting that, and support yourself as need be.
