Ah, the holidays! So much hustle and bustle, the gatherings, the cookies, the gifts! Wrapping up of the end of the year and setting intentions for the new one to come. It truly seems like time speeds up. For us in the Northern hemisphere the shorter days seem to exaggerate this sensation.
There can be a lot of stress this time of year whether it be financial concerns, pressure of getting the perfect gifts, body shame conditioned into us from the presence of all the treats and sweets, missing past loved ones or dreading gatherings with family whom trigger you. The list can go on.
To top it off we as mothers are told that we are the magic of the holidays. While that may be true (and honestly is a beautiful sentiment) it can also stack on the pressure.
Love it or loath it; we can be honest and say the Holiday Season has its way of frazzling the most even-keeled mother. But, does it have to?
I’m going out on a limb and saying NO it does not have to be this way.
We mamas deserve to enjoy the magic of the season and have a more peaceful holiday. We have the power to set the tone this time of year, the power to slow down when possible, say no when appropriate and keep our own wellbeing in mind. Follow these 6 steps to bring a bit of calm to this crazy, wonderful time of the year.
- Be clear on what you want
- Set boundaries
- Meet your own needs
- Manage your time
- Move daily
- Incorporate relaxation techniques into your day
1. Be clear on what you want
It is so easy to get wrapped up in all the holiday to-dos and shoulds this time of year. This often happens because we aren’t first clear on what we really want. How do you envision the holiday season?
No wrong answers here. It can be a holiday filled with events and parties every day and lots of gifts OR an empty calendar that leaves time for hibernating by the fire with plenty of family game nights and experiences instead of gifts. Of course it can be anything in between.
The point being you need to be clear on your expectations of the holiday season. This is the only way to prioritize and make room what you want and to avoid resentment of things you don’t.
2. Set boundaries
That moves us into step two. Set boundaries and more importantly hold your boundaries. Once you are clear on what you actually want setting boundaries to protect those desires (and your sanity) becomes easier.
Some examples of boundaries around the holiday could be: leaving events at or before bedtime, setting financial limits of gift grabs or exchanges, food boundaries including eating 3 meals even on days of events or stop eating when full (even if grandma tries to put more on your plate).
Here are some simple tips for setting boundaries:
- Know the reason for your boundary. – they should be specific and purposeful not arbitrary or reactionary.
- Set the boundaries early on this season – best to avoid setting a boundary day of an event
- Pick 1 or 2 – we don’t need to control everything and honestly trying too can actually lead to more stress and anxiety this season. To avoid overwhelming yourself and loved ones narrow it down to 1 or 2 of the most important to you at this time. The point of boundaries we want our boundaries is to set expectations, protect yourself (or your inner peace) and enjoy yourself and time with loved ones.
- It is important to verbalize your boundaries and be clear with them so they are not a surprise but you do not need to over explain or apologize for setting them.
3. Meet your own needs
When you establish boundaries you can’t help but analyze your own needs in the process. Once your needs are clear, it’s important to meet them. Boundaries will help you do that.
It might seem obvious but meeting your basic needs is a must this time of year but often get overshadowed by all the other things on your to- do list.
Check in on your self. Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating when you are hungry or skipping meals or just eating your kids leftovers? Are you getting quality sleep and rest? If you are in early motherhood I know the hours of sleep might be decreased but are you feeling rested or exhausted?
Beyond those physiological needs are you meeting your other basic needs according to Maslow’s hierarchy including safety and wellbeing, social connection, self-esteem and self actualization? Or are you stuck in survival mode this time of year (or this season of life?)
In order to move through the hierarchy and get to a place that we feel confident in motherhood and in who we truly are we must first meet those very basic needs of food, water, rest. Which let’s be honest most of us can use some improvements on. So start there and start small because it is the first step to really feeling good and to move through any tough season (holidays included) with more ease and grace.
4. Move daily
To me I would put this right up with meeting your needs. Our bodies were made to move and it benefits us in numerous ways. First moving daily helps your body feel good and can combat the physical symptoms of stress such as muscle tension.
Aerobic exercise has been shown to boost endorphins and studies are showing that exercise may be as affective as antidepressants in some cases.
Working out with a friend or in a class setting can strengthen social bonds and prevent the stress of feeling isolated while working out or moving solo can help clear your head.
Almost any kind of exercise or movement can improve your mood, help you feel good and decrease your stress so don’t let the term exercise deter you and get up and get moving.
5. Manage your time
Oh – this one right here – this is a struggle for me. Time management is important to avoid feeling overwhelmed and stressed out during the holidays. Especially when it seems there is so much to do and as previously stated time seems to be sped up.
The holiday season is busy, make sure you don’t overcommit. When you overcommit you tend to let important tasks slip through the cracks, make more mistakes or become more forgetful, neglect your basic needs and inadvertently become less productive. All this adds up to increased stress.
Revisit what you want your holiday season to look like and go from there. Write out the must dos and then mark them on your calendar first. During this time make sure to also schedule in some you time whether it be for breaks or self care and write it down so it doesn’t get brushed aside.
6. Relaxation Techniques
Lastly but certainly not least incorporate relaxation and stress management techniques into your holiday season. Your nervous system plays a big role in the levels of stress you are experiencing in your body via the balance between sympathetic (fight or flight) and parasympathetic (rest and digest) systems. Being able to bring yourself out of fight or flight when appropriate will allow you to experience more ease and calm.
Nervous system regulation techniques can be great tools to add in and include things like cold therapy, exercise, deep breathing, grounding in nature, and meditation and mindfulness practices.
Want more guidance on easy to do self-care activities to get you through the holiday season in one happy piece? Jump into my 12 Days of Christmas – New Mama Addition where I will lead you through 12 days of practices that are quick and easy to bring a little more joy and peace to you this time of year.