With each new baby comes a new mother. It is so important to support her during this transition. You might feel like you want to show the new mom in your life some support, but don’t really know where to start. These 17 tips are practical and can be done on any budget as many are just your time.
I get it babies are exciting. Everyone wants to fuss over the new baby. They are new and squishy and full of hope and possibility They pull on our hearts and naturally we want to hold them but its time we start holding the mother. If you are reading this as a new mama yourself congratulations, now pass this on to your partner, close friends and family. They aren’t mind readers and want to support you in the best possible ways, but might be unclear on how to do it. If you are reading this to find out how to best support someone you care about, thank you! More new moms need more people like you.
1. Support a new mom by sending meals:
This is my go to way to show support to new moms probably because this was also what I wanted most. Even with my second who I meal prepped for in advance. Nutrition is an important part of recovery and additional calories are needed early on if attempting to breastfeed. Homemade meals can also nourish the soul and make someone feel cared for.
Preparing and cooking those warm, nourishing meals can feel so overwhelming early. If you live near by you can drop off meals that are ready to go for that evening or dishes that freeze well. If you live a distance there are a few companies that send frozen and delicious meals. I have used Williams Sonoma myself but also recently discovered Spoonful of Comfort which is mostly soup but they have some really cute options as well.
2. Organize a meal train
This goes hand in hand with the first one. Good food will always be the answer (in my opinion.) Too often new moms skip meals or eat handfuls of cereal as they pass by the kitchen counter. Staying well nourished early on is important to combat the exhaustion of those early days (ok months!)
A meal train is when someone gather’s a bunch of neighbors, friends, church members to provide meals to the new mom on a regular basis. This is a great way for your community to support the new mom, it spreads out the work load of extra cooking and makes the giving last longer. Depending on how many people are on the train you can have meals delivered weekly or twice a week and extend out for a few months! This is particularly helpful as sometimes the new mama might be flooded with support and outreach within those first few weeks and then feel isolated after that when she is still very much in her postpartum state.
3. Hire cleaning company
While house work is the last thing most new moms want to do, or can even imagine how they would do it, it often weighs on them. They see the mess and think of all the things they should be doing since they are home. (Wait tell me that wasn’t just me.) Let’s be clear new moms should not be doing house work, I really believe those first 6 weeks are sacred and house work just doesn’t fit in with that. Unfortunately, I know that isn’t always reality.
Getting a cleaner in will help alleviate so much pressure and feel like a breath of fresh air once they are done. You can use a corporate company such as Merry Maids or hire someone local. Having this as a one time gesture will go a long way, but if you have the budget for it setting up a recurring service for a few cleanings would be amazing as well. That might be something you go in on with a few friends.
4. Bring her favorite beverage and offer to do some chores
Don’t pop in unannounced but do tell the new mom in your life that you are stopping in to help her out. Assure her first that she does not need to host you while you are there or get ready in any way. If the timing doesn’t work for her ask for a time that might work better and let her know that you will be doing the tidying up.
This is a great option if you are very close with the new mom and/or if hiring a maid service isn’t in your budget. Believe me having the dishes done or the floors washed will be just as appreciated as hiring a service, plus it is nice to have someone you know to talk with. Stop by with her favorite iced latte or smoothie, set her up in the living room holding her baby while watching her favorite show and get to that task list. Changing sheets, a load of laundry, doing the dishes one task or any combination will not go unnoticed.
5. Support a new mom to get some sleep
We all know sleep is hard to come by in postpartum. If you live in the house take on the night time diaper changes and bring the baby to mom for night feeds. Not having to get out of bed makes a big difference when breastfeedingIf baby is being bottle feed take on some of those shifts. You can split them up in blocks over night or take on a full night every other evening.
If you are not living in the home you can still help a new mom get some much needed sleep. Come over for a mid-day nap. You can offer to hold the baby while mom naps or have the new mom get baby down for their own nap and then you take over watch duty and get baby once they wake. You can even help set up a safe co-sleeping environment on a firm mattress no pillow or covers on baby and offer to supervise to make sure baby stays safe while mama gets some much needed sleep knowing her baby is right with her and knowing that baby is being watched and kept safe. Sometimes mama just needs some peace of mind to get actual rest.
6. Run her errands:
The to-do list never ends, even though we wish we can pause it. Getting out of the house is a whole task itself with a newborn. There are a million little tasks that need to get done that involve leaving the house so stepping up here can be hugely helpful.
Do some food shopping to stock the fridge and pantry. Offer to fill the car with gas so that when baby has yet another appointment mama can simply go right there without other pit stops. Pick up dry cleaning or do a Target run for more onesies.
7. Take older children out for a fun play day
If this baby isn’t moms first then she will likely need help with the older child(ren). Being pulled in multiple directions can feel really overwhelming especially early on. Depending on the age of the older child and how mom is doing adjusting there are a few ways to work this. You can pick up the older kids and set up a really fun play day out with them, something novel for them is great. Sometimes coming over to play with the other kids in the house and making them lunch will do the trick.
Early on in my 1 to 2 transition, I felt guilty for not being there for my toddler but I did feel better when I knew he was having a lot of fun. In the very early days my husband would take him on solo trips to his parents where he was able to play in the lake. Even though I was resistant at first, I knew he was having a great time, and I was able to get some quality skin to skin time and nap time in with the new baby. My neighbors also stepped up here and would have my son over for play dates to give me an hour or two to myself and the baby.
8. Help out with pets
The more we can redistribute the burden of care a new mom faces so she can focus on herself and baby the better. Take on tasks such as cleaning a litter box or walking the dogs.
I have a fenced yard so it was easy enough to let the dogs out throughout the day but they still need their exercise too. Having someone else walk the dog even just once a week can help. While I do encourage new moms to start walking from day 1, walking with a dog(s) is a whole new beast! Mom should not walk a dog that might pull if she just had a c-section. Also sometimes it is nice to not have to juggle everything managing a leash and stroller or while wearing baby.
9. Hold any suggestions on “how to’s” with baby
The new mom in your life is trying to figure out this baby (as yes they are all different) and what is going to work for them. Unsolicited parenting advice can trigger feelings that she is failing or doing something wrong. Of course if she is asking for input by all means offer up your suggestions but do it from a supportive place and hear her out if she has reservations about anything. Also let’s keep suggestions realistic and supportive or both her and baby, no sleep training advice please.
10. Tell her she is doing a good job
Believe me, she needs to hear this. A LOT. Everything is new whether this is her first baby or 3rd or 4th. She is in a new role, learning a new baby and learning about herself again. She is likely questioning everything in her head. Sometimes the best way to support a new mom is simply some reassurance.
11. Encourage her to get some fresh air.
Fresh air and sun are good for the soul but also have some real physical benefits for mom and baby. Being outside in natural light can help baby establish the difference between day and night and can support both baby and moms circadian rhythm. Symptoms of anxiety and depression can also decrease with increased time outside.
No need to go on an epic adventure, although going on a short hike with mom and baby can be a huge mood boost. You can simple encourage your visit to be outside and sit on the patio or go for a short walk. Yes, this is even possible and still beneficial in winter months, just make sure mom and baby are dressed appropriately and maybe decrease the length of time outside.
12. Spoil her
Often when visitors come they bring a gift for the baby, and while that is appreciated there are only so many stuffed animals and cute outfits a newborn needs. Bringing a gift for the mom is a great way to tell her she still matters. Bring her something to support her through this time a new cozy robe or fuzzy slippers are great options.
13. Adjust to her time frame and respect her boundaries:
This should go without saying but new moms often get push back on these things so it is very important to mention. If she simply isn’t ready for visits (even helpful ones) respect that. You can offer to help out when she is ready or send her a gift or service early on. Don’t push her to leave the baby to go on a date or take a shower. Early on wanting to be with baby constantly is normal, instinctual and often soothing for a new mom. Respect her boundaries and not make her feel bad about them.
14. Notice her:
During pregnancy mom likely had a good amount of attention and now that baby is here everyone is busy fussing over the baby and it can feel like you as the new mother no longer matter. But mama you matter! So make sure she knows that.
Notice when her water is low and refill it without asking. Take pics of her and the baby, she might not want her photo taken right away but she will definitely want to look back on these later, so be candid if needed. Tell her she’s beautiful, that motherhood suits her any compliment here will go a long way when she is feeling awkward and uncomfortable in her new and healing body.
Again I feel this should go without saying (however bounce back culture even creeps in everywhere.) There is no need to mention anything about the baby weight, even if it is meant as a compliment. So just don’t.
15. Support a new mom through her postpartum journey
Gifting postpartum support whether a solo gift or something that a few friends chip in on is an amazing way to provide ongoing support. Moms tend not to plan for their postpartum (something I’m hoping to change.) Having a postpartum plan is not only helpful but I would argue essential.
A postpartum care plan should include considerations for physical and emotional support and recover as well as social supports. Chipping in on a postpartum doula, lactation support or postpartum wellness coaching are all really good options. Gifting my mini program The Postpartum 6 Week Survival Guide could be the best thing you can do for a new mom or soon to be mom in your life. It provides education for physical, emotional and relational recovery and supports for promoting emotional and physical healing.
16. Continue to check in:
Life gets busy, for everyone, but continuing to check in even after the first month or two goes a long way. If new moms are lucky enough to get good support, it often starts to wain after the first 6 weeks.
However that is far from the end of her postpartum journey. It takes time, months to years to fully adjust to the new role, depending on the support she is receiving. Postpartum depression can onset up to 18 months postpartum and throughout that first year she is might still be coping with physical changes and pelvic pain.
Letting her know she is still supported is invaluable. Send supportive text messages, continue to offer help as able and perform check ins (calls or visits.)
17. Remind her that this is a process
Lastly and perhaps most importantly remind her this is a journey. Expectations are everything and can let her feel like she is failing or on the right track allowing her to thrive. Assure her that she doesn’t need to bounce back to anything: her body, her role, her routine.
She will need time to heal and rebuild and shift and grow. Tell her that yes she needs to heal and rebuild, postpartum is a huge physical and emotional transformation. And that while yes it might be a “natural thing” to become a mother it is normal for it to not come “naturally.” It is a process that benefits from support and guidance. She doesn’t need to go it alone.
By implementing some of these tips you are helping her along her process, good on you!