I hear you mama, you are tired! You are concerned because you think if you are drained then clearly my baby has to be tired too! Why wont they sleep?!? How can I support my baby to sleep?!
I promise you, they will, eventually. And so will you!
Here’s the thing. Baby sleep IS in fact different than adult sleep. Also there are many hidden reasons why you feel so tired in early motherhood. The amount of sleep you are getting is a factor but only one small factor so check out the other 17 reasons why you are exhausted.
Even though your little one may simply be sleeping like a baby, it is completely understandable to want a few more moments of sleep. We will dive in to some practical ways to help support your little one to sleep that do not involve leaving them alone in their room to figure it out, or the stress of trying to get them down at that critical moment of “drowsy but awake” (WTF that actually means anyway.)
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So let’s dive right into it. We will keep it short, sweet and actionable so you can decrease the dread of bedtime and maybe squeak out a few extra Zs for yourself.
Rhythm over routine:
I can not preach this enough but that is because this was THE game changer for starting to enjoy those baby days. You have likely heard the importance of getting your baby on a routine or a schedule. Now I get the idea of this but it seems we (myself included) can take it to extremes and have it start to dictate our days. The constant counting, measuring, tracking. That’s exhausting! I believe this can cause more stress and feed into postpartum anxiety or feelings of failure in motherhood.
Having a guideline and a plan is helpful having a strict schedule is not. Yes your baby may find comfort in the predictable. The thing is your baby does not tell time or really care about your schedule. You can have a predictable day by giving yourself windows of time that things generally happen. Same for bedtime.
Instead of bedtime at 7:30 PM on the dot give yourself more leeway. For example start bedtime between 7:30 and 9PM depending on the day and your baby. It’s time to put down the apps and start tuning into your baby and YOUR intuition, I promise you it is there, you might just be out of practice.
Wake windows can be helpful and give you a starting point but remember to just use them as a guide not what must happen.
The big difference between a rhythm and a routine is flexibility! Flexibility is KEY in early motherhood. Your baby is constantly changing. From new milestones to teething to getting a cold or just being exposed to a lot of new stimuli in a day. All of these things make sticking to a routine a bit of a challenge.
So be flexible. If bedtime or nap time is taking more than 20-30mins then stop, take a break, and try again in another 30 minutes. Please do not continue to sit in a dark room for hours trying to get your baby to sleep, it’s not helpful to anyone!
Support your baby to sleep with a bedtime routine.
Wait a minute! I know what you are thinking, didn’t I just talk about rhythm over a routine. Yes! I did but once you initiate bedtime according to the rhythm of your day then you want to have 3-4 things that are done every time. That’s where the routine comes in. You can think of it more of like a bed time ritual than routine. Keep what you do at bedtime predictable and constant. Now the order may change up on occasion and the length that each activity takes may also vary from day to day. Thats where we go back to having some flexibility and more of a rhythm than regimen.
Your bedtime ritual may include things like bath time, brushing or wiping teeth, book, song then bed. Or baby massage, multiple books and then playing bed time music. The important thing here is that the activities are a wind down of the day and cue to your baby over time that sleep is coming.
Trial and error:
We just talked about the importance of flexibility, rhythms and learning to lean into your baby’s cues and your intuition. All of which leads me to this next tip. Trial and error!
It is so important as we are figuring out our little loves, and also figuring out the complexities of early motherhood that we are willing to try new things. Yes, each baby is in fact different. Each family is different. Some babies and toddlers are going to require a really long wind down time prior to bedtime, that might be over an hour of “down time” or quiet play, extra reading ect.
Other babies and toddlers will benefit from more rough, active play such as climbing, running, wrestling right up until bed time is initiated. Also yes even babies can participate in more active play it will just look different!
The thing is you wont know until you try. So give it a few nights of trying the same thing and see if there are any positive changes in your baby’s sleep and ability to fall asleep faster.
Comfort and support:
Despite the common narrative there is nothing wrong with comforting and supporting your little one to sleep. No these are not “bad habits.” No, you will not need to do these forever. Yes, these tips will work. Yes, they not only support baby sleep but also strong attachment and brain development.
Breastfeeding to sleep:
This might be the number one thing you can do to comfort your baby to sleep at night. Of course if you are not breastfeeding you can hold and bottle feed baby to sleep however you do want to be mindful once your little one has teeth as formula pooling in their mouth can lead to cavities. Due to the nature of breastmilk composition and how the milk enters the mouth it tends not to contribute to cavities.
Breastfeeding to sleep supports babies emotional needs by making them feel safe, secure and calm. It also supports baby to sleep physically because night time breastmilk has higher levels of tryptophan which is needed for melatonin production.
Rock and hold baby to sleep
Rocking motion is very calming and soothing to babies. Take advantage of its soothing effects and use it to promote sleep. While rocking may not help your baby sleep longer it can help them get to sleep faster.
As you are holding and cuddling your baby while you are rocking it nurtures their need for connection. This allows them to feel more secure and content. Cuddling and even just holding hands can release the hormone oxytocin which can promote sleep.
Laying with baby to promote sleep
This goes along with promotion of oxytocin release and supporting your babies need for connection at bed time. Yes, your baby actually craves closeness to you, their caregiver. This is a biological and instinctual need.
Laying with your baby can be more comfortable as your little one gets a bit bigger and becomes more difficult for you to rock. Laying with your baby is also really useful if you are finding that your baby wakes every time you attempt to transfer them from your arms to their crib.
Floor beds (firm mattress on the floor) makes this safe, and comfortable for you both. I honestly don’t think I would use a crib at all if I was to have baby number 3. Make sure the room is fully baby proofed once they are mobile.
Set the mood for better baby sleep
In general babies sleep best in dark, slightly cooler rooms. The sweet spot seems to be between 68-71 degrees Fahrenheit however no need to panic if you can’t fully temperature control your home. If you don’t have access to AC have fans circulate in the room without directly blowing on your little one. The main thing is dressing your baby accordingly. If it is warmer where you are your little one might be comfortable in just a onsey. Some babies love feety jammies while others absolutely hate them! So if it is cooler you might have to use a sleep sack instead. Of course this is where some trial and error may come back into play.
As you are heading into the evening, closer to bed time start to avoid over head lights or dim them if you are able. This can start to signal that bed time is approaching and will decrease the chances of overstimulation. Mama, you will also benefit from this move! I don’t use black out curtains but if you do I would suggest only using them at bedtime as opposed to using them with every day time nap as well. This will help your baby distinguish between day and night and even day time sleep and night time sleep.
I love using a sound machine. For us turning it on is part of our bed time ritual. I also find it helpful to drowning out the house hold noise which is very helpful if everyone isn’t doing bedtime together or if you have dogs who may occasional bark during babies bed time. (How dare they!) My absolute favorite sound machine is the Portable Dreamegg D11 you can grab it here. I use it at home and of course when we travel. It’s great to be able to use the same one when we are away plus I love the night light option for when we are in new locations.
Getting outside daily
This might be the number one tip I give to all moms, no matter what they are struggling with. Getting fresh air and sunlight is so important for your wellbeing and for babies wellbeing too! Natural light, yes even on cloudy days, can help set your circadian rhythm. Morning light is a great way to set your rhythm for the day. in the morning helps set circadian rhythm. Spending time outside will allow for Vitamin D production which not only supports the immune system but supports sleep as well.
Late afternoon is also a great time to get outside that is helpful for setting or resetting your circadian rhythm. Prioritize at least 15 minutes of outdoor time each day, if you can get out twice a day even better! If you can’t make it outside for that evening walk then re-visit setting the mood and make sure you are having baby away from bright overhead lights and blue light exposure from screens.
You may also find that your baby naps better outside. So if naps are a challenge try going for an afternoon walk with baby in a carrier like the ergo or stroller with bassinet attachment.
Relaxation tricks to support your baby to sleep :
Remember babies are just tiny humans so what works to relax you will also generally help to relax them as well. If you find it challenging for your little one to settle into bed time try adding some of these tricks into your bed time ritual.
Massage:
Massage is a great tool for promoting relaxation and sleep. It helps improve circulation, ease muscle tension and promotes oxytocin release. Now for babies this isn’t a deep tissue massage think more of gentle circular motion or long strokes up and down their arms and legs, tummy and back. As they get older you can transition this to a simple back rub or scalp massage to sleep.
Warm bath:
Research supports what mother’s have known. A warm bath before bed helps improve sleep. It can lower your bodies core temperature which is a trigger for your circadian rhythm. A warm bath is a great prep to bed time and can be a really enjoyable part of your bedtime routine.
Your energy is leading mama
This part of the equation is often over looked when it comes to baby sleep but your energy is leading mama. Whether you like it or not your baby not only picks up on your energy and emotions but will also take them on as their own.
Our babies use us to co-regulate. They need us to help calm, soothe, manage stress and also acknowledge when there are safety concerns. Emotional distress in moms is associated with difficulty sleeping for babies. Basically your stress around bed time is contagious.
So how you are showing up to bed time makes a big difference! This might seem daunting at first but it also means you are able to actually make some changes! We so often want to jump to how we can change our babies sleep but we can only really control ourselves, how we are showing up and what we are able to do for them.
Before you head in for bed time check in with yourself, your expectations and how you are feeling. Deep breathing can help lower your heart rate, calm your body and thus help your baby know that it is safe and time for sleep.
If you are noticing some frustrations around bed time make sure you are working through those and that can start with practicing some of the above tips to see if things start to smooth out. If you notice that anxiety is seeping through your day make sure you to seek the supports you need. Mama you need to be supported in order to support your baby!
You can start supporting yourself today! Want to start feeling more energized without sleep training check out my free training!
Don’t miss reading Exhausted Mama?! 17 Reasons for Postpartum Exhaustion.